It seems to me, and most historians, that the essence of a true historical outlook means appreciating diversity, as we learn from the perspective of examining earlier outlooks. To put his outlook baldly, he thinks that past ages were cruel and bad, while we are valiantly struggling toward the light. For one thing, Sagan adopts a teleological view of the universe he not only believes in moral progress but defines a historical perspective by means of an evolutionary process, from lower to higher. But he follows a series of such dubious steps that I think that his argument threatens the values he upholds. Sagan is against cannibalism, racism, slavery, infanticide, and sexism, ethical conclusions with which few of us will have difficulty. Usually you will drop the harsh statement every time you do this.George Orwell once began an essay on Mahatma Gandhi by asserting: “Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent.” Well-meaning idealism does evoke a kind of cynicism, and since Eli Sagan comes across as a self-proclaimed lover of mankind, Orwell’s skepticism about sainthood does seem appropriate to keep in mind as one attempts to evaluate “Freud, Women, and Morality.” When you spot this happening, try to soften your tone of voice. Soften the tone: We often speak to ourselves very harshly in our minds. This can be helpful if you lie awake at night. Try to generate a feeling of compassion towards this body that accompanies you through life. Try to generate that same goodwill towards yourself, saying "May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be well".īody scan: Move your awareness along your body from your feet to the top of your head. Now imagine that you can observe you yourself, with your faults and virtues, sitting there. Generate a feeling of goodwill towards them, saying silently "Be happy, be safe, be well". Imagine that somebody you like or love has sat down facing you. Well-wishing: Try this variation on an old Buddhist practice. Remember, it’s the imperfect you who needs your friendship. If you’re doing toxic levels of work, awareness combined with self-compassion can help you see you might need to change how you work or change who you’re working for.Ī final word about self-compassion: don’t try to do it perfectly. This sort of awareness enables you to spot yourself being hard on yourself and then to step back and take a more compassionate view. This lightens the burden, especially when it comes to our faults.Ī third component is being mindful, which in this case means returning your attention to the present moment as often as you can. This means realising that your faults and virtues are shared by millions, maybe billions of other people at this moment. Self-compassion involves another couple of components. Researcher Dr Kristin Neff, of the University of Texas, suggests self-compassionate individuals may even find it easier to take on challenges because they know that if they fail they will still be friends to themselves.Ī Portugese study suggests that self-compassionate parents may find it easier to listen to their children’s needs because their own sense of self-worth makes hearing those needs less threatening, especially if they are going to have to be unpopular by saying no. Don’t wait on that platform – perfection is a train that rarely arrives at the station.ĭoes self-compassion kill ambition? The research suggests that self-compassionate people can be just as ambitious as anyone else. You don’t put a condition on it that says: when I have moulded myself into the person I think I ought to be, then I can like myself. Self-compassion sidesteps all this by saying: even if I picked the wrong career, am not a perfect parent and sometimes fail to impress, I am still a friend to myself. Wanting to impress people is okay, but thinking that failing to do so will be awful is just irrational. A common one is: I must achieve enough to impress everybody who matters to me or it will be terrible. The psychotherapist Albert Ellis talked about irrational rules we live by, often only half-consciously. But if you believe subconsciously that good parents give undivided attention to their children – that is, don’t work – or that good workers never, ever leave early, then there’s a good chance you’re going to feel lousy about yourself. Lots of people – including, probably, your child in later years – would say you’re heroic. Suppose you struggle to bring your child to daycare and then to get your work done in time to collect your child so that you can spend the evening with them. Carl Rogers, widely regarded as the father of counselling, suggested that we put conditions on ourselves that we have to achieve before we can see ourselves as truly worthwhile.
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